God, I feel as though I haven't posted here in ages. And since I'm tired of seeing my last post over and over again every time I check my lookup, I'm updating! Huzzah! -__-

So, not much has happened to me since I last posted... Geez, and I mean nothing. I still have no job, I'm not going to school and the isolation is starting to get to me. Even those who enjoy their solitude the most will still go stir crazy if not properly socialized. But that one there is my own damned fault... and also the fact that most of my friends live rather far away and are actually doing things with their lives instead of rotting them away on the computer. It's hard seeing everyone you know is moving so far ahead and you yourself feel as though you're standing still. Yeah, yeah, it's something we've heard all before. This isn't the first time I've felt this way, and it certainly wont be the last.

To make matters worse... I have artists block. And not the usual kind where you just can't seem to find any inspiration. I HAVE inspiration. I just can't FUCKING PUT IT DOWN ON PAPER! At least with the former you can just doodle and something will come out of it, but when you can't execute something on paper when it's in your head... Might as well put a bullet to it. Nothing is more annoying than that. -__-

I'm also going to be doing some moving as well. Not out of my house mind you, I'm just moving up to my attic room so that my current bedroom can be turned into a studio/den area. And the design is up to me, which is nice. Except most of the things I throw out there are met by my dad's awkward parent look. Oh you know the one: 'Are you... SURE you want to do that, honey?' Where as his suggestions are met with my own awkward daughter look: 'Sure, Dad, let me think about it... except not really.' The man is dead-set on me having an armoire for some reason that is beyond me. One wont fit in the attic and it'll be totally out of place in the studio. Besides I don't own any clothes that really require me to hang them up. So I don't know what his deal is!!! DX

That aside I hope I can at least find a happy medium with him. If I'm lucky. -__-

[link]

[link]

[link]

[link]

SO HELP ME YOU MUST LISTEN TO THIS!!!

-

Clubs:

Okay, so it's been awhile since I've bothered to post a serious journal entry and I thought I was LONG overdue. Plus the shit going on in my life has added new fuel to the fires of my apathy. In short, I thought I would share.

First things first, I'm pretty sure I'm developing some kind of insomnia. Goodie, goodie gumdrops! My basic sleep pattern has now become: go to bed at 3 in the morning and wake up at 1 in the afternoon the next day. -_- It's becoming more trying and exhausting as I go on. I'm napping several times a day now and I'm finding it increasingly difficult to motivate myself to go to my gym every other morning. *sigh* Somedays I don't sleep at all during the night and pass out during the day. It's not healthy and I'm beginning to become concerned.

My family's also been in the crapper lately. Not my mother and father, mind you, but my other immediate family. My cousin, who recently gave birth, got into a confrontation with my other cousin who was only trying to visit the baby. Now there's some long, convoluted story that goes on to what really triggered their disagreement. My cousin was apparently upset that no one was calling to check up on her when she was pregnant, yet other members of the family claim they did, she just didn't answer the phone. *rolls eyes*

In short, there's just mud flinging from both sides at this point and me and my parents are just standing off to the side observing with mixed emotions.

I'm, of course, annoyed greatly by both sides since they're practically breaking off all contact at this point. My aunt, the mother of my cousin who gave birth, who used to be so close with my other cousin suddenly does a 180 and is treating my cousin and her parents like dirt. It... saddens me because the more I grow up... the more I see how fucking screwed up my family is. I mean it's not like I didn't know that before, but this whole issue came out of left field. And now I'm beginning to see what a selfish little dike my cousin who gave birth really is and how frighteningly quick my aunt can turn on someone.

It just sucks that so much drama is happening over something so fucking trivial, and it's boggling my mind 'cause now I just want to throttle everyone and be done with it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATT~~~!!! MAY YOUR MAPLE SYRUP FALL LIKE MANNA FROM HEAVEN!

(...When did my journal entries start to get so short????)

BILLY MAYS DIED! WHAT THE FUCK?! Why is everybody dying?!?!!?!?!

(oddly enough, I'm more upset by this than any of the recent deaths)